thunder

i'm sitting here listening to an unfamiliar sound, thunder.  it's getting dark outside and i've seen some lightning.  i'm really hoping rain comes with all this.  we need it.   it's been way too long, and i'm not one to water the plants/grass outside.

anyway, this post isn't really about the weather.  i've been thinking about writing.  i don't do enough of it.  i need to do more of it.  i started a new story a month or so ago about a girl who gets pregnant and she doesn't know who the father is (it's between two guys).  she has to decide who to tell, what to tell, and what to do about the unexpected pregnancy.  i'm writing it with a bit of sarcasm and trying out some humor.  i need/want to sit down and work on it.

i actually need/want to sit down and work on my entire collection. i don't know why i put it off.  well, i kinda know why.  sometimes (a lot of the time) i won't do something if i can't do it perfectly.  i give up.  i throw in the towel.  i don't even try.  i want things to be perfect.  i want my stories to be perfect and publishable.  i'm worried they aren't there and that i can't get them there.  so i avoid them.

at the same time i know that if i don't write, then i won't get better.  i won't refine my skills and those stories will not get finished and be ready for publication.  practice makes perfect as they say...

i think besides the perfectionism though, i worry about rejection.  rejection from agents.  rejection from editors.  rejection from publishers.  most of all, rejection from my peers.  i feel like my writing isn't that great and when i have been in a workshop situation it gets picked to pieces.  now i know that as a writers need to have thick skins and be able to take criticism.  i do pretty good at taking it.  it's just the little things that people think i should change that bother me.  the small details are mine and i worked hard to craft them.  they really don't change the story any, so why does it matter to them?  but then i worry.  will those small things matter to readers?  agents? editors? publishers?

anyway, i think i'm going to make it a point to write some this week. even if what i write sucks.  i need to get the words on the page.  that is where things start.

sidenote:  if you wanna read some writing click here.  it will take you to my other blog where i have posted poems and stories i have written.