i think i first read about the stanford rape case last friday night. i came across a post that had a link to the letter she wrote and read to the court. for those of you who haven't heard about this, in january 2015, brock turner (a stanford student) raped a girl behind a dumpster on campus following a party. luckily, two grad students came upon the scene and noticed the girl wasn't moving. she was unconscious. being caught, turner ran, but was tackled and detained by these two grad students (my heroes) she was taken to the hospital where she woke up three hours later, hair full on pine needles, wondering where she was and what happened to her underwear.
he was arrested.
the case went to trial.
he was convicted! (this is exciting because few rape cases get as far as a conviction).
the survivor (i won't call her a victim because i want to empower her) read a statement to the court before sentencing. she mostly addressed her rapist. you can read it here. it was very powerful! it was difficult to read for me because it brought up so many feelings from my own sexual assault. i'm proud of her for standing up for herself. i'm proud of her for addressing her rapist. i pray that she will find peace soon and this will only be a temporary setback in her life (i know she'll live with it forever, but i want her to find strength soon).
the judge handed down a six month sentence in the county jail (instead of the max 14 years in the state prison). he said any longer than 6 months would have "a serious impact on his life." wtf? he had sex with someone unconscious who was unable to give consent. he seriously impacted someone's life, so why shouldn't his life be seriously impacted? i share the opinion of many: the judge needs to no longer be in that position. he should be forced from the bench. he just contributed to a huge problem in america: the rape culture.
the media, his friends, the judge all talked about his bright future as a swimmer. he was an olympic hopeful. it was bad enough that he could no longer attend stanford (due to title IX he was going to be expelled, but chose to withdraw instead of go through the expulsion proceedings). his friend wondered why he should be labeled a rapist? everyone was concerned about him having to register as a sex offender.
then his father spoke up. he said that the sentence of six months was too strict for "20 minutes of action." WTF? it wasn't just sex. it wasn't a random hook-up. he had sex with someone unconscious. he failed to get consent! what makes him so special that he doesn't have to have consequences for his actions? what is his father teaching him and all the other young men in our country? it's okay to take sex from someone who is unconscious. don't worry--there won't be consequences. i understand he is a parent and wants to protect his son, but he also needs to teach his son right from wrong. he should have taught his son a long time ago that if you don't get consent for sex, there will be consequences.
i argued with several people on posts about where the blame is. very few blame the rapist. they said she (the survivor) should not have drank so much alcohol that she passed out. they said her sister should have kept an eye on her at the party. they said she was too old (23 and already a college grad) to even be at a frat party. they said neither one of them were thinking clearly since they were both intoxicated. they blamed alcohol and drinking in general (as did the rapist). they blamed lack of religion in schools. one crazy woman blamed liberals and bernie sanders. i'm not sure where she was going with that, but i share it because i need a insert a little humor so i don't go crazy.
it doesn't matter that she drank so much she passed out. alcohol doesn't equal consent. unconscious people can't give consent thus you should not have sex with them. it doesn't matter that young people should drink less. it doesn't matter what Obama, Bernie, Hilary, or any of the other liberals did. it's not a political issue; it's a human one. we don't need religion in school to stop sexual assaults from happening. the focus should be on him, his voice, and the severe consequences he should pay for his choice.
i argued again and again that the only blame is the rapist. he chose to have sex with an unconscious woman who couldn't give consent. he did wrong. HIM and ONLY HIM! he is the one who deserves consequences here. he is the one who should have his life ruined. i don't give a fuck if he wanted to swim in the olympics. i don't want a rapist representing my country. do you?
several people who argued the girl "should have known" better wrote about teaching girls not to drink so much, not to dress a certain way (from what I read, this girl was dressed conservatively for a frat party), not to put drinks down, etc. i argued that we need to teach boys NOT TO RAPE! it is that simple people. tell boys DO NOT RAPE! this is why consent education is SO important. boys need to be taught to respect women, communicate, listen to the word no, and not decide they are entitled to sex anyway. turner's parents should have taught him all this. they should have put an end to the rape culture; instead his dad refers to the rape of an unconscious girl as "20 minutes of action".
i was told that i live in a fairytale land when i said that we need to teach our boys not to rape (our = society). i was told we are better off teaching girls to protect themselves and what to do in those situations. fuck that! i told this person that this isn't a fairytale. i said we have been telling our daughters for years not to drink too much, to stay in groups at parties, to not dress like a slut, etc. it's obviously not working. women are still raped. one in four will be raped in college. i said we need to change our conversations and teach our sons (again, our = society) not to rape. the other isn't working, isn't it time to change our approach. stop blaming girls for "putting themselves in these situations" and hit the guys with tough consequences for choosing not to get consent.
i spoke to an old friend today. we talked about my rape. an image that has been playing over and over in my head the last couple of days is one that i saw on the video tape made that night. it is of the guys cheering on my rapist. i mean "cheering on" in the literal sense. he was hollering and making gestures with his hands and body. this is rape culture. i heard the cheering spectator has 2 sons and so does my rapist. i wonder what they are teaching their boys. are they teaching them that "20 minutes of action" can have consequences? probably not. they never saw any. are they teaching them to respect women and to get consent? i can only hope...
on memorial day a couple of years ago, an entitled asshole went on a shooting rampage in santa barbara. here is my post about that. back then the hashtag #yesallwomen started. i'm seeing it reemerge now along with #everywoman. please join the fight with me. share my story. share the story of the stanford survivor who found her voice and spoke out against what happened to her. share your story if you have one. let's take this outrage over this injustice and make change.
