the week my teenage son brought home a baby

puberty is upon us.  alex is changing into a young man at a fast pace.  it's difficult to deal with.  the hardest part is when he gets excited about my lingerie catalog coming in the mail or the miss universe contestants in their bathing suits.  i'm not ready for all that!  i'm working to be "cool" about these changes and hormones.  i don't want him to think there is anything wrong with what he is feeling.  i don't want there to be anything shameful about his changing body or the urges he feels.  at the same time, i want to instill in him the importance of waiting to have sex until he is ready and how important it is to respect women.

he attends a small, Montessori school. in his 7th grade health class, they talk about sex and focus on waiting until marriage to have sex.  i think they focus on abstaining until marriage.  i'm more realistic in my approach because chances are high that he'll have sex way before he's married.  it happens.  i want to teach him about protection and consent.  i want to teach him about the emotional feelings.  i was okay with what the school was focusing on because i feel that as the parent i feel it is my job to discuss those things.

part of their health class is learning the consequences of having sex before your'e ready.  that consequence is a baby.  the baby they use is a computerized baby that records how the student/teen responds to it.  it records response time, whether you are rough or shake the baby, how many successful feedings and diaper changes you have, and temperature.  alex was not thrilled about bringing this baby home for a whole week.  i wasn't too thrilled about it either.  they use the computerized  babies at the high school, so i have had students in my class with crying babies.  i was also worried alex wouldn't be able to handle it.  i was worried that i would end up taking care of it.

the first student to have the baby in alex's class only had it for 2-3 days.  his parents had him return it to school and stop the project because the baby was causing too much disruption in their house.  the second student to have the baby kept it a whole week, but had a low grade when she turned it in.  alex didn't want a low grade, but a huge part of him was hoping that i would get him out of the assignment.  i was determined not to do this.  part of the reason is because i wanted alex to learn responsibility and that you can't get out of everything you don't want to do.  the other reason is because i wanted his teachers and peers to see that alex could do it.

alex brough this baby, named Seiko (after a Japanese video game character), home on a monday.  i had forgotten he was bringing home the baby and had decided i wanted to go out to eat.  even after finding out alex had the baby, i thought we could go out to eat.  it's a computer after all.  he fed it before we left.  i thought everything would be fine.  BIG. MISTAKE.

we got a lot of looks at the restaurant when we carried around a doll in a baby carrier.  people thought we had a real baby, but when they looked closer and saw that it was fake, they kinda looked at us weird.  i explained it was a school project.  we sat down and ordered our food.  everything was okay.  Seiko was "sleeping."  well, it took a long time for our food to come and while we waited the baby woke up.  alex changed her diaper, but then she cried some more.  he was getting nervous because he couldn't figure out what it needed.  he didn't know how he would eat while holding the baby.  even after i told him that i went tot the restroom a number of times with him on my lap because he was screaming if i set him down, he still didn't think he could do it.  he just wanted to eat.

alex was nearing meltdown mode.  so, i had a crying "baby" and a teenager near tears.  i held Seiko on my lap and bounced her on my knee while i ate. the waitress said i was a pro.  i told her i'd done this before.  ;)  when we went to leave the restaurant, the baby needed to be fed, so we had to wait so alex could give her a bottle.  we didn't get home until late.  the baby cried a lot that first night and alex kept coming to wake me up and tell me about it each time.

we were both so tired on tuesday morning.  besides being woken up by Seiko, it was daylight savings time.  i suffer immensely when the time changes.  we were running late and almost out the door when Seiko decided she need to eat.  OMG!  this really was like a real baby.  it totally through us off schedule.  i was a little late to work because of it.

tuesday night was rough too.  alex kept waking me up again to tell me the baby was crying and that he didn't know what to do.  i told him, "figure it out!".  i just wanted to sleep!  on wednesday morning, i explained to him that if it was  real baby, then i would get up and help him.  i told him, this is a computer baby.  you know what things to try.  just do them until something works.  figure it out.  this was difficult for me because i do want to help alex and for him not to be upset.  i felt that having the baby during the week was unfair to the kids because they have to get up for school and he wasn't sleeping enough.  (at the high school, the kids take the baby home from friday-monday).  i had been tempted tuesday night to tell him to just put it in the living room and let it cry.  i knew that wasn't teaching him right, but i just wanted us to sleep.  i'm glad i didn't do that.

by wednesday evening, alex had learned Seiko's cries.  he would know if it was a diaper change cry, a hungry cry, or a fussy/hold the baby cry.  i was impressed with this.  he was able to respond quickly and was less stressed out about the whole thing.  he didn't want to leave the house because it was too much trouble to have the baby in public, but he was doing well at home.

i saw a change in him.  he took really fast showers because he didn't want Seiko to cry while he was in there.  he was really responsible with her.  at the beginning of the week, i told him he should bond with his baby by talking to it during diaper changes and feedings.  he told me this was stupid because it was a computer.  i told him with real babies you talk to them.  by the end of the week, i would hear him talking to Seiko.  it was so cute.  he was so nurturing.

he was happy to turn the baby in on monday.  his grade was a 59 (based on the computer percentage).  he let the head go back 10 times over the course of a week.  but his response times were high, especially later in the week.  he didn't miss any feedings and missed only one diaper change.  he didn't shake the baby.  i was so proud of this.  i don't want him to be a teenage parent, but i watched him grow over the week because of the baby and it was a neat experience.  when he is grown up and ready, he'll make a great dad. (the grade recorded int he grade book will actually be higher. she will grade on participation.  we'll find that out this week)

the final student had the baby this last week.  she didn't finish he assignment.  she turned it in on friday instead of waiting until tomorrow.  alex had the highest grade in the class.  there are a lot of things that alex doesn't understand socially.  he's not always a good listener because he's often off in his own little world.  he doesn't always put his effort into his classwork.  he wanted to do well with the baby.  he was successful.  it shows that if he wants to, he can be responsible.  he can step up and take care of business.  he is loving and nurturing.

if you ask him if he misses Seiko, he's quick to tell you no.  it was a great experience for him though. i'm a proud mom!  so happy my days of being a grandma are over though.  we'll save that for way into the future!

Update: i totally forgot to post the pics we took of us with the baby...

plan b

disclaimer:  this is a political post.  i will be expressing my political feelings.  just wanted you to know before you began to read.  also, there is a lot with this issue, so i may skip around.  try to keep up!

i was greeted on facebook thursday morning by ignorance!  i hate when that happens.  it's too early in the morning to deal with ignorant people, esp. when all i want to do is see what new pictures people posted over night and wish my wonderful friend happy birthday.

here's how it went.  my friend posted a rant about the plan b contraception.  she doesn't understand why it should be made available to people of all ages (it's currently available to women ages 15 and up) because people under 15 are kids.  kids don't need access to contraception.  she said the goal should be to stop kids from having sex.

not too ignorant.  i can agree with that. kids shouldn't be having sex.  kids shouldn't need contraception.  why does it need to be available to them if they don't need it?

because the REALITY of the situation is, kids are having sex.  telling them not to doesn't work.  they do it anyway.  they are going to do it. not all of them.  some will listen and wait.  some will want to wait.  but, A LOT of girls will have sex.

i am against abstinence only sex-ed programs.  kids need to be educated about what to do if they decide to become sexually active and what all the risks are.  they need to know about condoms, pregnancy, diseases, and everything else that goes with having sex.  if they aren't educated they will get diseases and/or pregnant.

so her post wasn't ignorant, but those that commented on her post were.  here is the one that set me off:

My theory? When "we" decided that the unborn are not really human babies and it is OK to get rid of them if they are an inconvenience. 

there are SO many things about that statement that set me off.  first of all, plan B is NOT, i repeat NOT, the abortion pill that so many people say it is.  it does NOT kill a baby.  it must be used within so many days of intercourse and stops the egg and sperm from getting together.  unless you believe that conception starts at the release of the sperm, then plan B does not kill unborn babies. (we will not debate when a human life begins)

second of all, women being able to purchase plan B is not a pro-life/pro-choice issue. it's a form of contraception.  it's like getting the pill or the shot, but for emergency situations when you didn't plan on having sex or your contraception failed (the condom broke).  i'm tired of people saying that birth control should not be available.  more birth control may equal less abortions.  also, if a woman does not want to have a baby, she has a right to use contraception to prevent it.  it's the responsible thing to do.  why does it have to be and us against them?  it's about a woman's right to choose and to prevent pregnancy.  no one is being harmed or killed (except the woman denied access--she is harmed, not literally killed).

finally, that comment says it's "OK to get rid of them if they are an inconvenience."  kids having babies has nothing to do about convenience.  it's about the fact that kids shouldn't be having kids.  they are too young physically and emotionally.  like i said above, sex is a reality, and kids need to be taught how to be responsible.  if they are taught to be responsible and to prevent possible pregnancies, then nothing will be "gotten rid of".

second piece of ignorance:

i think making it available is the equivelant of providng them a bed, a beer, some barry white, and a smoke for afterwards. it just gives them another reason to think "oh its ok, i wont get pregnant ...i can take the plan b instead...". i promise there will be a huge increase of STD and AIDS because they will think "why use a rubber......i can just pop this pill!"

omg!  i disagree.  making it available is not the same as giving them permission.  that's my mom's mentality.  my sister was sexually active before the age of 14.  my mom wouldn't put her on birth control because she thought that would send the message that she condoned that behavior. she told my sister to stop having sex.  luckily my sister didn't get pregnant, but it could have happened.  if you know it's happening, you should deal with the situation and provide kids with knowledge instead of ignore it.

my final point of this post, this is a woman's health issue.  it's not an abortion issue (i know i have to keep repeating this because people are ignorant).  plan B is not the same as having an abortion.  it is not something that needs to be debated in congress.  bills don't need to be written and debated for hours.  the FDA approved it. the end.  it's not anyone's business.

parents need to talk to their kids and educate them.  they have to be realistic and not ignore what kids are doing today. if parents open the lines of communication and educate their kids, then there won't be an issue.  the people that have problems with all this are the same ones who tell their kids that it's wrong to have sex before marriage and leave it at that.  telling them how wrong sex is won't protect them once they're in the situation.

ok--putting away the soap box.

i'll post soon about how my pro-choice views and the plan b discussion (before i wrote this post) made it all the way to taiwan.