what if... they brought back a favorite show?

i'm doing "what if wednesday" today, but not as a link up.  if you want to play along, steal my button from the side of my page and put something in the comments.  if you just want to read the insanity, you can do that too.

anyway, this week is going to be kinda light-hearted, but i thought it would be fun.  next week i think i'll get a little more personal.

what if they brought back your favorite show?

this is on my mind because recently i found reruns of the shield on tv.  i LOVED that show when it was on the air.  i watched it obsessively.  it was so disturbing and fucked up, but i couldn't look away.  when i found it and was watching it again, i got all wrapped up like the first time.  i came in during the last season, so I got to see the series finale again.  that show was CRAZY.  but now that it ended for me (again), i miss it and want it to come back.

another show i would like to see is 90210 with the original cast.  they'd all be in near their 40s now with families.  it would be fun to see what goes on now that they are old and settled in life.

what show would you want them to bring back?

what if... ...a guy you really want to go out with sends you an email out of the blue?

ok, do y'all remember J? i met him in september. he's a writer, a single dad, and a liberal! he's cute and we totally hit it off.  then i found out his ex-wife was bipolar and put him through hell.  i decided to tell him about my diagnosis and it ended up he couldn't handle things (that was january).  in march i emailed him and told him if he ever decides he can accept my diagnosis to get in touch with me and see if i'm single. he said he would because we did have this wonderful connection. we've emailed once or twice since then about writing. i've always initiated the emails. 

 last night, out of the blue, i got an email from him.  he asked about my writing and how i was liking my new job.  i wasn't expecting that and of course, in true kimberly fashion, i am reading into it.  i wonder what it means, if anything.  i got excited getting this email.  i waiting until this morning to answer it.  i am still waiting to see if he writes back. 

 but get this, the situation is (of course) complicated (this is ME we're talking about).  remember the government professor i'd been out with a few times (his name also starts with j, we'll call him JS). well JS and i have been talking more and more. he sent me flowers. he has told me how into me he is.  although i haven't gotten the flutters and overwhelming dizzy feeling of falling for someone, i like spending time with him.   

so, now i ask, "now what?" 

 what if you're kinda (not 100%) exclusive with one guy and another one, one you really want (or think you do) comes back, what do you do?   

this conflict is distracting me from work and making me go through all these "what if" scenarios that i'm so good at going through.  any advice?

what if... wednesday!

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so, i'm giving my link up another try.  who cares if no one links up, right? this is my blog. (ok, so i want  people to link up, but this post is pretty personal, so i'm writing it for me with the what if... format for fun.

what if... ... you had to change something that isn't easy to change.  how would you make it happen?

on tuesday i posted about having to change the way i view myself and life.  if i don't make these changes in my life and work to make things better i won't be able to live with myself.

so, how do you learn to like yourself?  it's not like saying, i'm going to learn to make a cake from scratch.  there would be easy steps to follow and a final product to look at and taste.  i would know right away if i was successful at learning to make the cake.  but how do i learn to like myself? how do i measure this? how do i know if i was successful?

sunday night i looked through amazon.com for kindle books about learning to like yourself.  i found one that was free and one that was 99 cents.  i started reading already, but i am going to read both of these (maybe more than once--they're short) with an open mind.  i will not approach the books with skepticism.

monday i started thinking of things i could do.  i want to be taken seriously about what i want to accomplish.  i want to take myself serious and find ways to hold myself accountable.  so i started with a google search for how to write daily writing goals.  that search morphed into a big project that i'm VERY excited about.

here are bullet points about what i'm doing to make changes in my life and learn to like myself again:

* i signed up for the website 43 Things.  You make a list of 43 things you want to do and then write about progress, connect with others who share the goal, and then share when you complete it.  Check out my list.

* i decided that i want to make as many visuals and accountability trackers as possible.  i want to post my goals, inspire myself with quotes, track progress, and make it impossible to fail!

* i finally got on pinterest (i've been avoiding it).  OMG--i am TOTALLY addicted!  i have found all sorts of cool motivational quotes and crafts.  there are so many cool things to make to remind myself i am special and what i am working toward.  i can't wait to start crafting and seeing all these visuals (i'll post pictures!)

* i've made a ton of lists today.  not only did i complete my list of 43 things, but i'm breaking down that list into smaller lists.  what steps do i need to take to complete these 43 things? how can i track my progress? what visuals can i make/use? how can i document this journey?  i like to plan and i like to organize.  by planning and organizing i can break down the big picture into smaller pieces.  i can make it easier to be successful!

* besides surrounding myself with positive things, i need to figure out how to let go of the past and move forward.  i believe that a person is shaped by past experiences, but not defined by them.  i need to learn from the past, carry those lessons with me, but let go of all the bad stuff.  i am trying to think of a visual/physical way to do this (let me know if you have an idea).  i can't keep carrying all this stuff around with me.

that's what i've done so far.  tomorrow is may 1st. i've scheduled myself to start some things tomorrow. i may not have all my cute/crafty things ready, but i'm ready to start to like myself again.  there is no better time to start than right now!

if you want to link up, grab the button from the top of this post and include your link below.  tell us how you make a difficult change.

taking a week off

i'm taking a week off from what if... wednesdays.  not only has it not been very successful (yet), but i've had a lot of serious things on my mind. i want to take a little break and lighten the mood.  my writing is therapeutic and it's been great to just write what's on my mind.  but, i think my readers need some fun stuff to read.  after having a rough day yesterday, i just want to think of a fun topic and write something funny.  we all need a laugh.

in other news...

* i've hired a writing coach to mentor me and push me to finish my collection.

* i'm seriously considering getting a masters in english (or at least 18 hours) so i can teach college english.

* my company is having our launch party next week.  i've got a pretty dress and i'm gonna get my hair done.  i'm excited about meeting potential investors and important camp people.  i'm also excited about showing off what i do.  (i still need to do a blog post about what it means to be a camp community builder).

* i've rescheduled my NYC trip for the end of may/beginning of june.  it was hard to do since i cashed in miles the first time.  there are a lot of blackout days in june.

* i'll be teaching creative writing at an academic summer camp this year.  i'm excited about it.  we had a meeting tonight.  i'm also on the advisory board and helping them get things going.  it's a new camp.

that's all for now.  i appreciate all the love and support from my readers as i try to figure life out.  i also appreciate the prayers and kind words on yesterday's post about my sister.

what if... wednesday (3rd time is a charm)

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If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else currently living, would you do so? Whom would you pick?

there is a lot to consider when answering this question.  i need to know the conditions. am i forever going to inhabit this other person's body? while i'm in this other person's body, will i have all the knowledge i have now or will i take on this person's intelligence and memories?  (thinking of drop dead diva)  what would happen to this person while i was in his/her body? (thinking of freaky friday)

so in order for me to answer this question, i'm going to make some assumptions...

if i was going to be in this person's body for 24 hours, i would do it.  i would not want to forever leave behind who i am (although i have wished i could be someone else, i don't really want to be anyone other than me).

we're going to assume that i will keep my own knowledge and memories.  i thought for a moment that it would be good to see someone else's thought processes, but i would learn more about being in someone else's body if i had my own wisdom to bring to the situation.

so, now we get to the part where i need to choose whose body i will wake up in.  i'm thinking of this as a social experiment.  i have two schools of thought.  i could choose someone rich and famous and see how it feels to have the world at my fingertips or i could choose someone in a worse situation than me and learn to appreciate what i have.  it's not so much about what kind of life i will lead for 24 hours, but how others will react to me based on the body i am in.

if i could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else i would choose the homeless woman who hangs out at 610 and westheimer near the galleria.  don't laugh!  i put a lot of thought into this.  although i would have my own thoughts and memories and not know what is going on in her head, i would see where she wakes up.  where is she before she goes and stands on that corner for hours trying to get money from whoever will roll their window down?  what is her life like?  who does she live with? does she have a home?  a family?  is that corner her only hope for a better life?

in her body, i would like to help her and make a difference.  maybe, even if it's only 24 hours, i could change things for her.  i could get her in touch with resources.  get her "in the system". help her find a job.  i don't know.  i would like to use that day to help someone who doesn't have things as easy as i do.  even if i only make a small difference.

also from that day i would like to take back to my life the knowledge of what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes.  being that woman for a day would cause people to react differently to me.  even though i feel that my life has been really hard lately, but i know people have it worse.  i would see what it is like not to have anything and to have to pray that some stranger would take time to help me.  i think i would learn a lot from being in her body for the day.

who would you choose?  it doesn't have to be as serious and profound as my analysis of this question.  link up and let me know!

just because... i don't want to be a loser

a couple of weeks ago i started a link-up.  it's called what if... wednesdays.  it has been a total bust. NOT ONE SINGLE person has linked up with me.  imagine how i feel...

i'm not posting this because i want pity.  dont' feel sorry for me.  it's my first attempt at this.  it's a different way of blogging for me.  inviting others into the party.  that's new for me.

but i want it to work.  i want people to link up.  i guess it boils down to, i just want to be accepted in the blog community.

it sorta feels like being in gym class and being picked last because you suck at whatever sport is being played that day.  but instead of being picked last, i'm not being picked at all.  i'm on the sidelines.

maybe all this is silly.  it's a blog.  the people who i know IRL that read my blog love and accept me for who i am.  everyone else who is reading is a stranger. so what if they judge me? so what if they don't want to play with me?

anyway, tomorrow is wednesday.  i will once again be attempting to do my link-up.  it's a great way to play pretend and answer a "what if" scenario.  i'll admit the first week was really lame, but last week was better and tomorrow will be profound!

take a chance--come and find out!

linking up with lisette and catalyn today!

taking chances

i've got some stuff on my mind tonight.  i thought i could sum it all up by talking about taking chances.

i took a chance and started a link-up.  it's been a bust.  two weeks--two posts--nothing!  maybe it's not the best idea for a link-up.  i cared more about the alliteration than the idea at first. but i was thinking about it, if i put more thought into it, i could make it a fun game of pretend every week.  who doesn't like to play pretend?  so i challenge you, my 11 readers, come link-up and play pretend next wednesday. what if... well, what if you like it?? you won't know until you try!

i took a chance with my heart a couple of weeks ago.  i sent J an email.  remember him?  he's the writer guy that i totally hit it off with.  he's the guy who was totally into me until i confessed to having a mental illness.  it took me two weeks to work up the nerve to send the email.  i decided to do it because i spent two weeks thinking about doing it.  i also figured i had nothing to lose.

here is some of what i had to say:

I've been thinking about you a lot. I've been on a couple of dates. The guys 
were nice but... Well they weren't you. I'm hoping that doesn't sound psycho. 
It's just that you and I clicked. We seemed to "get" each other. We had fun 
together. You know the rest...

I'm hoping this isn't totally pathetic but I would like you to keep me as an 
option. Not something to "settle for" but as a future possibility. That's not to 
say I'll sit and wait for you to call. I'd just like you to know if/when you're 
in a different place I'm not opposed to giving you and me another chance. You're 
a very special guy with a good heart. I'm open to having that in my life. 

here is some of what he had to say:

I appreciate you taking the time to write to let me know your feelings. Although I hope you will meet an awesome and incredible guy who will make you forget all about me, I do feel that we shared a connection and I will keep you as an option in the future should I reach a point in my life where I feel like I'm in a better place emotionally and mentally. You are a wonderful and special woman.

i thought this would be pathetic, but it really made me feel better.  sure, nothing may never come of it.  but at least i know, that i told him how i felt.  i did everything i could.  a friend said it was "ballsy".  i like that!

finally, i've been thinking a lot about a chance i want to take, but i keep coming up with reasons not to take a risk.  am i making excuses because i'm scared or do i have legitimate reasons for not moving forward?  i've mentioned in another post about moving up to the san marcos area and working on the MFA program at texas state.  i said that alex has one more year in elementary school and then i'm free to go where i want.  why not move up there?  get us established? put him in a public school in a small town? get into the MFA program and pursue my dream of teaching college and writing?

today i was thinking about alex having a bar mitzvah.  that happens at age 13.  is there a synagogue up there?  if not, don't i have to stay here until after that?  but that will be 7th grade.  i'll have to let him finish middle school before moving him somewhere new.  that puts us at waiting 4 years to go anywhere.  am i making excuses or am i doing the best for alex by hanging around here?

i really hate living in the city, esp. in the loop.  it's just too much.  too many people.  everyone in a hurry to get somewhere.  it would be nice to slow down some.

i also worry about moving somewhere without a support system.  i don't have much of one here, but i do have my ex mother-in-law, who loves alex very much and is always helping me with him.  would it be wrong of me to take alex away from that? it's not like he would never get to visit.  plus, he's getting to an age where he won't need a babysitter to stay home alone after school.

so i don't know if i should take a chance and move to follow my dream.  i don't know if i'm making excuses.  i don't know if i should reevaluate and come up with a more realistic dream since i do have to put alex and his needs near the top of the list.

some risks are a no-brainer--others can consume your mind.

what if... wednesday (round two)

last week was a HUGE disappointment.  not one single person linked up with me.  i kinda felt like a loser...

but i decided not to give up.  i'm going to give what if... wednesday another shot.  this week i'm going for a little more depth. check out this week's topic below and link up your post.

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if you were stuck on a TV show for a month, what would it be and why? (it doesn't have to be a current show)

so, when i picked this topic, i had no idea what TV show i would pick.  there are so many great ones to choose from.  

i thought about the original beverly hills 90210 (the high school years), but then i would have to do high school again, which is not something i don't want to do.   

i thought about welcome back kotter (one of my most favorite shows), but i don't see myself as a "sweathog", so i would miss out on all the fun.

i thought about a reality show like dance moms or honey boo boo, but i don't think i could handle that much insanity in real life for a month.

some other obvious choices were: the cosby show, who's the boss? facts of life, moonlighting, melrose place, and punky brewster. oh, and will & grace and friends!  i didn't know this would be SO hard!!

i started to think about what would be an upside of being stuck on a TV show.  i decided that it would be a great way to get what i crave most out of this world, a family that is some-what functional.  my choice is below.  in all honesty, there were so many different families that could fill the void i feel when it comes to a loving family.  

i finally decided, that if i had to be stuck on a TV show for a month, i would want to be on family ties.  the parents were liberals with strong values.  they supported their children, no matter what.  things weren't always perfect, but they had an important bond as a family.  i wish i had that family.  plus, it would have been fun to tease "alex p. keaton" about his political views!

what show would you choose?  grab my button and link your post!

just for fun, since a lot of my readers probably aren't familiar with my favorite show:

what if... wednesdays

welcome to my first link-up!

i'm not really sure what i'm doing.  i'm gonna cross my fingers and hope it all works out!

rules for the link-up party

* follow life, love, & butterflies (if not doing so already)

* copy and paste the what if... scenarios into a blog post and share your answers

* grab my button and paste it in your blog. make sure to include a link back to my blog in your post

* add a link of your post to my page

* have fun! :)

1. what if... you got a tattoo. what would it be? where would you put it?

2. what if... you could meet one person living or dead. who would you choose?

3.  what if... you could have one super power. what would it be? why?

4.  what if... you had to pick a "theme" song for your life. what would it be?

5. what if... you had to give me advice to improve my next link-up. what would you say?

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1. i just got my final tattoo!  no more for me!
2. if i could meet one person, living or dead, i would choose anne frank.  i think i could learn a lot from her wisdom.
3. my super power would be invisibility.  why? because i'm nosey and want to listen to conversations i'm not supposed to hear! ha ha!
4. i've picked a theme song. it's gloria gaynor's i will survive!  not only is this my theme song, it's the theme of my first collection of short stories.
5. i'm not sure how to make this link-up better.  that's why i asked... duh!