happy new year 2015!

i looked back at past january posts and noticed that i usually write my resolutions on january 1st.  i have also spent my first blog post of a new year reflecting on the previous year.  this post may be a combination of those.

the beginning of 2014 was rough because i was working for an unethical principal who didn't like me for some reason and went out of her way to treat me like crap.  no, that wasn't in my head.  my co-workers saw it too.  i miss those co-workers and the kids i worked with.  leaving was probably the right decision for me, but i still long for those relationships.  the middle of 2014 brought change.  we moved and i started my new job.  i found something i a good at and enjoy.  that should bring happiness, but the end of 2014 was rough because i am always broke.  i do not make enough money to take care of us.  it's been a struggle and has taken away all the good feelings of the success and fun of my job.

i'm starting the new year looking for work (again).  have i mentioned that i can't stand looking for a job!  i am also looking for a new graduate program.  i want to better my education and make myself more marketable.  i really want to go into a writing program.  i found two great ones! but realistically, i think i would be better with a more practical degree. i am looking at getting a masters in higher ed. that way i can work at a university.  i believe i belong in a college setting.  i feel at home there.  we'll see what happens.

i've got the normal wishes for the new year, losing weight being at the top.  i have put on a lot of weight and i'm very unhappy about it.  i feel so unattractive.  i eat for all the wrong reasons, which is something that is difficult to stop.  something to work on this year.

i created a bucket list.  at least i am in the process of creating it.  it has 100 lines.  i have filled out 35.  i am pushing myself to find more.  at first i was like, i'm content and have done the things i want to do.  but, i am only 38.  life isn't over!  i refuse to let it be over.  so, i'm working on a list of places to go and things to do.  i want to start a non-profit of my own, do a Ted Talk, and open a writer's retreat/bed & breakfast.  those are the big ones.  i also want to attend NYE in NYC, meet my half brother, and use snail mail to show people i care.  all good things to strive for.

most of all, this year i want change!  i want to change my attitude and be a happier person.  i want to live each day without comprising who i am.  i want to be the person i want to be.  i'm not sure how to make this change happen.  if you have any ideas, let me know.

happy new year to my readers!  what are your hopes for this year!

changes

things are getting ready to change.  i am some-what excited by this change, but it's scary at the same time.  i was offered the job in huntsville.  i'm looking for a place to live.  i am trying to figure out everything that needs to be done.

part of me is so excited about getting out of houston and living in a different (smaller) city.  it's what i've wanted.  i've only stayed where i am now so alex could stay at the school he started at in kindergarten.  now that he is leaving the school (he's graduating--they only go up to 5th grade), i feel like i have nothing keeping me here.

part of me is nervous.  i know my family won't take it well because i am moving away from them.  they think they are helpful, but all they do is try to control  my life and criticize alex and i.  it's not helpful.  they may physically keep alex at their house while i have to go to work, but emotionally and mentally it is damaging to alex and me.

i wrote about my principal saying that i could bring alex here next year, meaning they want me back as a teacher.  this is not what they have shown me since before january.  that's why i started looking for jobs.  a small part of me, thinks i should stay.  thinks that i shouldn't make the change.  but that's the easy way out.  i should take a risk at a time where a risk can be taken.

besides that, this school is so disorganized.  all the last minute things and "secrets" (they don't like to tell the teachers what's going on, but they tell the students).  it's ridiculous.  it has been a stressful year.  not in the classroom, but having to deal with last minute changes or plans.  i love these kids, but is that enough to keep me here?  i feel like it is time for me to move on.  to get out there and do something different.  i have been wanting to work for a non-profit for some time.  this gets my foot in the door.  it's gets me experience.

i worry about alex, but i think he will be okay.  i'll take care of him as i always have.  it'll just be an adjustment.  i think the school i found for him will be good (just gotta figure out how to pay for it).  he'll make new friends.  i'll find him a new place to take martial arts.  there will be opportunities for him.  i feel like i have sacrificed for so long (which is what good mothers do), but it's time to think about what will make me happy.  i don't feel attached to anything here.  i don't have a lot of friends (m friends are spread all over the houston area).  i don't have a job i love.  i don't have a good relationship with my family.  why let these things hold me back?

i feel like i've just rambled.  i'm just so nervous about these changes.  i know deep down they will be good, but on the surface, i'm worried (esp. about what my mom will say).

my mind is full

so much weighing on my mind today...

* i sent a text to some friends in late march/early april that said i wanted to do my birthday party on the afternoon of may 10th.  i said in order to have a private painting party, i would need 10 total guests, so i was surveying them about the date.  i got back a lot of positive response.  yes, that's mother's day weekend, but people still said they could come.  they said it wouldn't be a problem.  i put down a deposit ($250) and sent out evites.  now, with the party 2 weeks away, these same people are saying, it's mother's day (technically not until sunday, but ok).  i'm being told, well, it's my boyfriend's birthday and he wants to take me out of town (but you knew about my birthday party first).  i was told, that's the day of my company picnic, and since i'm the one planning it, i have to be there (but you knew you said you were coming to my party--why not say you can't plan the picnic for that day, OR that it's mother's day weekend, not a good weekend for a company picnic).  i'm at 7 people right now and trying to think who else i can invite.  some people still haven't responded (so rude!).  i hope i don't have to cancel last minute because i don't have enough people.

* i have an eating disorder.  don't laugh!  i was so excited that i lost all that weight after being in the hospital with my heart.  i felt good and looked good.  i was happy to see myself skinny again.  i wasn't perfect, but i was on my way there.  then... well, i can't pinpoint the moment when i started gaining weight again.  it was slow at first, but then obvious that i put back on all that weight.  it came back quicker than it came off.  i'm miserable when i weigh every morning.  i'm miserable when i take off my clothes to get in the shower.  i'm miserable when i look at the clothes in my closet that i can't wear.  i want to lose weight, but i can't.  some would say i don't want it bad enough.  that if i did, then i would do everything i could to lose the weight.  i eat for the wrong reasons.  i know this.  i eat when i'm upset.  i eat to feel happy.  i don't know how to fix this.  it's a terrible feeling.

* i have decided i'm ok with being alone.  well, i really decided that i'm tired of online dating and men being assholes.  i just don't want to deal with it right now.  maybe it's because so much is going on.  maybe i've just finally come to terms with being alone is okay.  it's like coming to terms with not having another baby.  it took some time, but i am alright with it.  i'm okay with being single.  it took a long time to get here.  it's kind of a peaceful feeling.

* my principal shocked the hell out of me yesterday.  there has been a lot of tension (maybe i created it, but her lack of response to me hasn't helped).  i assumed after several incidents that she did not want me back next year.  that is why i have been looking for a job.  i love the kids i work with, but if i'm not wanted there (or have no guarantee of a contract), then i may as well move on, right?  well, yesterday she spoke to me (doesn't happen often).  she asked if my son has gotten into a school yet.  i told her no, i'm still trying to find him a place.  she said, "you know you can bring him here next year if you want.  it won't cost anything." wtf?  that would mean she wants me to continue teaching there.  i never expected this.  i think i had to fight to keep my mouth from hanging open.  so, i've been hunting for a job and a place for alex, for nothing?  i tried to speak with her back in january about my future at the school and the fact that i had some personal things going on and would be taking a second job.  she never responded to this request for a meeting.  she ignored it.  the time that she spoke to me that month was to tell me that there were things wrong with the high school newsletter and how i needed to fix it. (it's a joint effort--why was this all on me?).  anyway, i'm all confused and conflicted now.  there are so may things wrong with that school, but i love the kids and the teachers i work with.  plus, it would be a small environment for alex to be in.

* i'm waiting to hear on this job in huntsville.  it's got me so anxious for so many reasons.  i don't quite understand what is going on with my background check.  there shouldn't be any problems with it.  if i do get a formal offer for the job, there is so much to do.  there is giving notice at this apartment (and dealing with breaking my lease).  there is finding a new apartment (all the ones i'm calling are full with no upcoming rentals in june).  there is deciding exactly where to live (the woodlands, conroe, huntsville).  there is where to send alex to school and paying for it (found the perfect school, but concerned that they don't offer a lot of financial assistance).  then there is packing, money for expenses, stress.  i'll have to get trained for the new job.  get organized.  get ready to start with summer camp right around the corner.

* i don't know if i'm in the best writing program.  there are people in my classes that are not working at the same level as me.  i know some are working ahead of me (i am not well read and can't understand any of that theory shit), but so many seem clueless.  they try to correct people on things they are wrong about.  their writing is full of mistakes itself (not content, grammar).  i just don't know if i am going to get anything out of this fiction class.  i was really looking forward to it, and now i feel let down.

* i am starting to write stories dealing with sister relationships.  guess i am starting to deal with my unresolved feelings over my own sister.  that part is good.  i feel like i'm getting some good work done. my sister has been gone 4 years.  i'm tired of my mom speaking about my sister like there weren't any problems.  now that she's gone, she didn't do any wrong.  i'm stuck here, everything i do is wrong (even when i'm doing right).  maybe it's normal for parents to do that when they lose a child.  maybe i'm still too angry with her to let things go.

up in the air

a lot of things are up in the air. where will I work this summer? where will I work next year? where will Alex go to middle school? will we be moving or staying put? all these thoughts are starting to effect my sleep. 

the job thing concerns me most. i have to have income. i can't end up with my mom again. there are quite a few jobs I've applied for that interest me. i interviewed for one that is really interested in me.  it would involve relocating to huntsville.  i'm waiting to hear. i applied for one that had me make a 3 minute video and do some writing assignments that i really hope i get a phone interview for.  i'm waiting on the results of my assignment. then i got a call last week from a job I applied for that i didn't expect a call from. they wanted to do a phone interview. i was all excited and waiting by the phone. then the lady had an emergency. he didn't reschedule but passed my information along to someone else. I haven't heard anything since I heard that, and i'm worried i missed an opportunity i really wanted. it doesnt help that i'm impatient. i want answers now.

alex didnt get into the middle school we wanted. i was shocked and we were both devastated. i managed to get him a second chance. he wrote a letter early last week. the committee met on friday. i'm anxious to hear. if he doesn't get in, then it'll be an easy decision if i'm offered the job out of town. we will just start fresh. Ii he gets into the school then i'll stay put. there are two other schools here that we could apply to but they both have wait lists.

i know i need to be more patient.  i know i obsess over things and let them make me crazy.  i just like to know what is going to happen next.  right now, i have no idea what will happen when my contract runs out at the end of may.

where i've been, where i am, where i'm going (an update)

hello loyal blog readers who have stuck with me!  i know it's been a while... life has been crazy busy.  things are so hectic that i am sometimes confused about what day/time it is.

where i've been:

* i started working regularly at soma again in january.  my schedule was to close on fridays and open on sundays.  it was nice having all of saturday off to get things done, but it was still exhausting.  things are good there. i've still got it.  i went from #11 one week to #1 two weeks in a row!  i totally rocked it out these last couple of weeks!  makes me feel good.

* i've been drowning in literary theory... i am retaking the class (i failed it last term).  it is SO hard and SO boring.  i have done my best to keep up and try to learn something.  i can't say that i've learned much, but i am ready for next term and fiction fundamentals.

* i've been somewhat depressed and very tired.  when i get home at night, i just want to lay here and watch TV.  this is making it difficult to get homework done.  i just feel exhausted.

where i am:

* i am once again leaving soma (temporarily??).  i got a job at a tutoring company that has me working on getting their curriculum together.  i will also tutor.  right now i am getting 7 hours a week.  it pays more than soma and i don't have to spend so much time on my feet.

* i am single and ok with it.  i was seeing this guy for a few weeks.  we went on four dates, but he turned out to be a lying bastard.  that can be a whole post in and of itself, but i will say that i'm proud of myself for not putting up with bullshit so i won't be lonely.  maybe i'm just meant to be single...

* i have not been writing much.  i am really trying to fix that.  being in fiction fundamentals next term will help since i have to write for class.  i just want to get in the habit of writing every day.

where i'm going:

of course, i have no fucking clue where i am going.  it is always changing.  i don't know what door will open next.  i am still working to get the hours needed to teach community college english.  i need 18 to start applying for jobs.  i have 6.  i'll get there--just need to be patient with time.

i have been applying for jobs like crazy because i don't plan to return to this school next year.  even if i did plan on going back, i need  something for june-august because this job does not pay during the summer.  i had a great video conference interview for a job in huntsville.  wouldn't it be funny if i ended up back there?  it's for a community coordinator at an apartment complex that is low income housing.  it pays just about what i make now, but the cost of living is cheaper in huntsville.  i'm not so sure about options for school for alex, but i'm taking it one step at a time.  i'm working on other jobs in houston as well.  no way are all my eggs going in one basket.

* i am signed up for two writing retreats for this summer.  one is a private retreat in boulder (i was supposed to go in february, but my job messed that all up).  the other is a retreat in west texas.  i am excited about both! :)

**just a short update on me.  i'm going to try to start posting weekly again!

a very short update to let you know i'm alive

i'm behind on reading blogs.
i'm behind on writing blogs.
i'm behind on a lot!

i started a new job yesterday (wednesday).  i quit the awful on the same day.  i feel really bad that i didn't give notice at the other job.  i really do.  but i was miserable there.  the job was making me physically ill!  they weren't taking care of me or helping me.  the kids were awful.  on tuesday one pissed on the floor "just because" and the office did NOTHING.  the kid was 4 years old--he knew better.  it's crap like that that drove me away from that place.  but i feel bad because some of the kids i really cared about.  one little girl i loved and wanted to bring home with me.  i'm going to miss her bunches.

so, the new job is in an office.  it pays more than i was making at the school and offers medical benefits.  today was only my second day, but i think i'm going to like it.  the plan is to keep working at the store until i qualify for the insurance and then work only ONE job M-F.  that would be a dream come true.  right now i have a couple of options in case this job doesn't work out, but i think i'm going to do just fine.

i'm going to NYC in a couple of weeks.  my mom is mad that i'm going.  she wants me to postpone it until october.  she's crazy.  she said i take too many trips (last year i went to australia and south padre island) and that i should just stay home until i get my life together.  since this trip is costing me very little and i have sold a few pieces of furniture out of storage i see no problem with me going.  my mom said i only feel that way because i want to go.  what she doesn't understand is that i NEED to go.  sometimes i just need a vacation from my life.  i see nothing wrong with a long weekend away.  personally, i think she's jealous.

so much for a "short" update--ha ha!  i'll write more about my new job when i get a chance.

where do i see myself?

i hate when i am asked, esp on a job interview, where i see myself in # of years.  hell if i know.  i'm trying to make it through each day with my sanity in tact.  but yesterday i started giving it some thought.  today my grandma gave me her thoughts.  what you will see below are a rambling of the thoughts i am having.  i'm not sure how clear they will be, since it is just the beginning...

i'll start with today.  i was talking to my grandma about how much i dislike HATE my job.  she said she wants to see me doing something that i like to do where i am making enough money for alex and i to live on our own.  she would really like to see us get out of here (my parent's house).  i really want that too.  in fact, it was one of my resolutions for 2013.  i need a new job and i need out of this house.  plain and simple.

yesterday i was playing around on the internet.  i saw that texas state (in san marcos) has an MFA in creative writing program and that their program prepares you to teach college english.  i know i tried (and failed) at an MFA program before, but i don't think i'm good at distance learning where i have to be responsible for myself.  i need to attend classes and have due dates forced upon me.  i also do not need all the drama of losing my sister and job all in the same couple of months while i'm trying to go to school.

anyway, back to texas state...

their program sounds really neat.  there are a lot of "this has to happen so this can happen" before i could even do it.  alex has to finish his school.  he'll be in 5th grade next year and i don't want to put him in a new school for that final year.  so, i'll have to wait until fall of 2014 to start.  i'll also have to get accepted (not too worried about this).  i'll have to move without my parents and wayne making a huge deal (basically telling me "no, you can't go!").  i would love to live in the hill country in a small town. i would love to be back in school working toward my dream job (teaching college english and focusing on my writing).

speaking of my writing, there is so much i could do to make it a priority in my life.  the MFA program is one, but all these workshops and retreats and conferences going on around the country are another.  i need to get out there and network with writers, agents and editors.  you never know what job could happen from that (i am talking about a non-writing related job).

speaking of relocating, the friend i'm going to see in NJ said something about work if i was willing to move.  could i leave texas and live on the east coast?  who knows...

i'm trying to line something up while I look for work with the store i currently work out giving me more hours.  there is a lawyer friend of the family who may need some part-time help.  i could do the two things and look for something full time and permanent.

i know things won't happen for me if i'm sitting on my ass.  i also know they won't happen for me if i continue to work this terrible job that is making me so tired that i have no energy to do anything when i don't have to be there.

any job leads would be appreciated.  i'm willing to do almost anything...

Resolutions for 2013

* take a picture each month to make a calendar at the end of next year

* lose 10-15 more pounds

* enter houston area women's center run/walk on march 2nd

* finish short story collection

* keep Q&A journal

* find a new FULL time job

* get own apartment

* volunteer

i didn't prioritize this list as i typed it.  of course the job and the apartment are highest on the list of the things i want, but the others are important too.  i think 2013 will be my year!  

Happy New Year! :)

just another day....

merry christmas to my readers who celebrate!

today is just like any other day for me.  it was also my first day off from either job since december 16th.  i put in a couple of extra days at the store to help out and make some extra money.

i slept a lot today.  i also moped around a bit.  i felt lonely.  i think it's because most of the people i know are celebrating with family and friends, and i'm sitting here.  i was wondering why i didn't feel this way last year.  then i remembered i was on a cruise with M last year.  now, that didn't make me long for M.  i totally happy with the way things are.  it did make me wish i was on a Caribbean island or just some where other than this bedroom.

i did get some things done today.  i did all my laundry.  i reorganized my writing calendar and set some new goals.  i started reading a book called the secret that was assigned to me by two of my managers at the store. i caught up on my dvr.  i searched for jobs online and applied for a couple that i found that sounded interesting.  the first thing i need to do in 2013 is get a new (full time) job.

J and i are going to see each other thursday. i think we're just gonna have dinner.  i'm excited.  it's nice to have something wonderful to look forward to.  he's really a good guy.  i know i said that in my last post, but he is.  i'm happy.  it feels right.  i'm trying not to get all caught up in the moment of the romance like i did with M, but this feels different.  i don't feel like i'm being romanced.  i feel like he's being himself and i'm being myself and we're meshing well together.  there's a connection there.  does that make sense?

keep an eye out for my new year's resolutions.  i've got my list done and i'm just waiting until the 31st to post it! :)

wednesday confessions (the early edition)

i'm joining mrs. bear at think happy thoughts again and spilling my weekly confessions out for the world (or my 6 followers) to see.  enjoy the rest of your week!

i confess...
...gloria gaynor's i will survive came on my iPod yesterday when i was driving home.  i totally turned it up loud and sang at the top of my lungs.  that is definitely my life theme song.

i confess...
...i am looking for a custom blog layout and would love someone's help (hint, hint).

i confess...
...sometimes i make things more difficult than they need to be.  i am driving myself crazy trying to figure out if the story i am revising should be told in first person or third person (if you have an opinion on this, feel free to let me know).

i confess...
...i applied for a job last night that i really want.  i can't stop thinking about it.  i would be SO perfect for this job.  i'm trying to figure out a way to make it mine without pestering the people.

i confess...
...i'm actually looking forward to sunday this week because J and i have a date.

i confess...
...i don't really have great confessions this week, but i wanted to participate.

i confess...
...i can't stand my job!

say hi to mrs. bear! :)

sunday randoms (the early edition)

good morning!  i'm not sure what i'm doing up so early, but here i am.  i have writing to do today, as it is my first deadline i set for myself.  i have to finish the story about the 2 sisters.  i'm having difficulty with what the conflict/resolution is.  this is not good, since that is the most important part of the story.  anyway, i want to focus my day on that, so i thought i would write my randoms this morning.

* my eye glasses were all out of whack this week.  i can't see without them, so i lay in bed and watch TV at night.  i tend to lay on my side.  this bends and loosens them.  so i have decided to get a pair for just watching TV.  they won't be pretty and the lenses will be think since i'm so blind (not going to pay for light weight lenses), but it will be good to have a pair that doesn't matter to watch TV in.

* i had an excellent day at the store yesterday.  one lady came in and bought $500 worth of pajamas.  that was an awesome sale!  i ended up exceeding my goal and making some good money.  i also had fun because i like most of the ladies i work with.

* i have an interview this friday at a company called playworks.  basically they organize recess and active play activities for kids.  this is a "group game interview'.  there will be about 15 participants.  we each will have 5 minutes to teach a game and play it with the group.  i'm trying to come up with something really good because i want to impress.  we are supposed to wear "activewear".  i have nothing that fits, so one of the girls from the store is going to let me borrow some pants.  i wanted to buy some, but no money for me.

* speaking of money i have FINALLY caught up on alex's tuition.  it has taken months, but i think i'm finally on track and won't fall behind again.  HUGE sigh of relief!

* i have a date with J next weekend.  we are going on a picnic (if weather permits) and to the science museum.  i'm excited about this because it's a little outside the box.  plus i'm looking forward to spending time with him again.

* i found out yesterday that a good friend of mine is moving back to texas!  so excited to have someone to hangout with.  she's a good friend!  pretty much made my day yesterday to get that news.

* alex is going on his first cub scout campout next weekend.  wayne is taking him (i don't really camp). i hope he has fun and isn't miserable the whole time.

* i can't believe thanksgiving is already here again.  where did 2012 go? (i think i wrote that last week, but seriously, this year flew by).

happy sunday y'all!

the #1 reason i need a new job

i started a job in august at a private preschool.  i have had my doubts about the job since day 1, but i have kept after it because i need the money.  well today proved to be the day that proves that i no longer should be at this job.

i work with the young 4 year olds.  we have 4 difficult boys in the class. they make the day hell.  i always hope that they will be absent so i won't have to deal with them.

one of them was having an awful day.  when he does not get his way he hits and spits.  the spitting is really gross, esp. when you're the target.  there are several things that happened today, but at nap time he refused to get on his cot.  when the other teacher said she was going to get someone from the office and walked out of the room, he tried to follow.  i had to block the door and not let him out.  he hit me several times, spit on me, and said he was going to break me.  they took him out for a while.  he came back and took his nap.  after nap everything seemed fine.

then...

while in line to go outside he licked a friend on the face (GROSS!!!).  then he threw sand from the sand table in another child's face.  i told him to get out of line.  he said, "No."  i went to ask the director, who had been helping us all day with him, what i should do.  she told me to get down on his level and be really stern and tell him to go to the carpet.  i tried this.  he hit my hand with a hard piece of plastic, breaking the skin.  it's small and no big deal.  it hurt when it first happened, but i was quickly over it.

the other teacher and i felt he needed to go to the office.  he should not get away with hitting me.  so, i picked him up to move him out of the line.  (this is where it gets bad!)  as i was carrying him to the door he BIT MY BOOB!  yep--sunk his teeth into my left breast.  it hurt SO bad that i cried.

i went to get the director.  she immediately called his parents and said he needed to be picked up.  i went to the restroom to look at the damage.  the skin wasn't broken, but my nipple was red and it was throbbing.  sorry if that is TMI, but it is my reality.

i wanted to leave right then and there.  they really should have let me go home.  it's ridiculous to be treated like that.  i REALLY, REALLY need a new job!  if you know of ANYTHING AT ALL, let me know.  at this point, i'm willing to do ANYTHING!

a ball of nerves

so i posted the other night that i blew that interview.

i was wrong.

i got an email from the principal yesterday asking me for references.  i know she would not bother to check references if she wasn't interested in me.  so that made me feel good.

but now i'm a bundle of nerves.  this waiting is making me crazy.

i'm trying to relax.  i really am.  it is still very possible that the job is not mine.  i feel more positive since she asked for my references.  i guess it is so close i can taste it.  i want it so bad!

i'll keep you posted...

selling myself

no.  not prostitution.  although i have considered it...

i had an interview today at a school i REALLY want to work at.  i was excited about the interview before it happened.  i couldn't wait for it to get here.

then i got in there and have five sets of eyes looking at me.  that wasn't too bad.

but then they started asking questions.  i felt like i answered the first couple of questions well.

then i had trouble getting my answers straight in my brain before i opened my mouth.  i had trouble making eye contact.

the worst part is when they asked me about discipline.  this is where i struggle, but i wanted to sound positive.  i tried so hard, but i got flustered and nervous.  i'm not even sure if my answer made sense.

so now i'm waiting, but i'm not going to sit by the phone.  i'll be surprised if they call to make an offer.  i know i should be more positive, but i have this terrible feeling.  i'm usually right when i get one of these feelings.

i'm not giving up.  just feeling defeated tonight.  i wanted it so bad.  i even started looking at apartments i could move into in 2013 after i got caught up on some bills.  shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch...

a case of the mondays

* rejection #1 came in the form of an email from the camp i interviewed with last week.  in the email she said that they wanted to go with someone with more office experience, but i totally screwed up that interview with my negative answer to the first question ("tell me about yourself").  i have sense written up something that i am going to use as a guideline (i don't want to sound too rehearsed) so i can give a more positive answer to that question.

* rejection #2 came in the form of an email.  it was from the company i took the math test for last week.  i know that i totally blew that test, so i'm not surprised, but rejection sucks just the same.  now i only have the one job i am interviewing for this thursday (at the non-profit) as a prospect.  i need more eggs in my basket just in case...  i'm taking suggestions for jobs.

* my ex-husband called me today.  he is going to vegas this weekend and marrying his girlfriend.  i am not bothered by it.  he lives with her and has a baby with her.  this seems to be the next logical step.  alex says he is okay with it.  i wish them well.

* the rodeo starts in a few weeks, but it looks like i won't be attending this year. :(  i will still make a day to take alex to the livestock show and get his picture with "miss moo", but that will probably be it for me this year.

* i did my taxes yesterday.  i knew i would owe money this year, but it seems that i owe less than i thought i would.  i hope i did them right.  i need to find someone who will look over it (for free) and tell me if i made a mistake or not.

* after not having a tv show to watch since the shield ended i have found a new show.  i'm going to make a point to watch the voice every week.  i like it.  i esp. like adam levine! ;)

mid-week randoms

* why is it a big deal that JFK's mistress is coming forward after years of silence?  JFK is dead.  why drag his name through the mud?  besides, who cares?

* i didn't do well on that math test yesterday. i think i only answered 5 out of 25 problems.  i don't even know if the ones i answered were correct.  i'll be surprised if i move on to the next round.

* i have an interview with a camp tomorrow.  it's a jewish camp located in wimberly.  they have a local houston office where they spend 10 months of the year.  the job is for an administrative assistant who would also serve as a development director of sorts.  it sounds like a fun job that i would enjoy.

* i got the paperwork and orientation date for the job prospect at the non-profit i mentioned in previous posts.  it's where a friend of mine works.  i completed all the paperwork today, and i'm all ready for the meeting next week.  i don't know what to wear.  i know i should wear a suit, but i don't have money to buy one.  i did find one in my closet, but it's a little small on me (or i'm a little big for it).  anyway, i'm excited about this orientation and hope that i get to move on to the next stage in the process.

* this saturday would have been my sister's 30th birthday.  i am very sad that we're not planning a party for her right now.  i still live in denial half the time--thinking she is not really gone.

* i'm ready for the warmer weather to come back (you know, the weather we had last week).  it's been chilly this week, esp. with the winds out of the north.  i want spring, not winter.

not bad for a monday

* big news!  i was #1 in the store last week (my ranking)!!!  my email ended up at 78% (they would like us at 80%), so i was #2 there, but in everything else we're ranked in i was #1!! i'm SUPER happy about this!  i worked so hard last week.

* i watched the premiere of the voice last night (only because adam levine is on there).  it wasn't too bad, and i plan to watch the second show tonite.  the only thing that was annoying was christina.  she kept being so rude to adam levine.  plus, she needed to put her boobies away!

* i need to figure out what i'm wearing to my interview tomorrow.  i really need to get a suit.  anyone know of somewhere i can get a nice, inexpensive suit?  i'm really nervous about this interview because of the math.  i got someone to show me how to work some of the problems, but i still can't wrap my head around them.  maybe the real problems will be easier than the sample ones...

that's about it... i mostly wanted to share my ranking at the store with my readers!

opportunities are knocking

i'm getting a lot of movement on the job front.  i have the interview/aptitude test on tuesday.  i also have an interview with a camp for an administrative assistant next thursday.  that with getting my resume to my friend equals a lot of interest in me at the moment.  it feels good.  i really need to find a job this month (the earlier the better), so let's hope something comes of one of these opportunities.

i had dinner with two good friends tonight.  it was nice to get out and socialize.  i need to do more of that.  another goal for this month--get out more!

i had a good day at work.  i had a lot of sales and should have made a lot of bonus money (i'll know tomorrow how well i did today).  my email capture is still kinda low, but i'm working on it.  it's very hard to get a person's email when they don't want to give it to you.  and i can't say that i blame them in a way.  i get tired of toys r us emailing me all the time, but to remedy this all i have to do is unsubscribe.  i don't (who knows why), but it's a simple thing to do.  anyway, besides email capture, i'm blowing it out of the water this week.  can't wait to see where i rank.

i'm a math idiot!

i heard back from the company i mentioned in yesterday's post.  they sent me a confirmation with a day and time (next tuesday at 1pm) and a link to fill out an official application and take a personality test. they also sent some sample algebra problems for the aptitude test i have to take when i go in next week.  wtf? algebra?  i have not had algebra since high school!  that's right--in college i only had to take math for elementary school teachers I and II.  so i know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide.  i tried to work the sample problems.  i only knew how to do 3 out of 9 and of the 3 i did, i got 2 wrong! OMFG! what am i going to do?  i'm a smart woman with lots of ideas and creativity, but when it comes to math i'm a total dumbass!  my store manager said she would take a look at them with me on friday (if there is time).  i have no idea what i'm doing...  any one want to tutor me before tuesday?

in other news, a good friend called me about an opening at her company that she thinks i would be good at.  it's a non-profit (just what i've been wanting), and i would be working with women and children (my specialties and passions).  it sounds great.  she was worried it doesn't pay very much, but it's a lot more than i'm currently making, so every little bit helps.  i sent her my resume, and she is going to share it with her boss.  i'm hoping for an interview.  even if i don't get chosen for the position, an interview would be great.

i've been busting my ass at the store.  the week before last i was ranked last (#7), so last week i worked really hard because i won't tolerate being last.  last week, i was ranked #3.  much better!  i'm still busting my ass this week because it is a new fiscal year and new month and i want to make as much bonus as i can.  plus, i don't want a low ranking.  i like to see my name high up on the board, not at the bottom (yes it is posted).

i miss M and we haven't gotten to talk this week as much as i would like.  it's so hard with a 14 hour time difference.  someone has to lose sleep if we want to talk during the week.  the weekend is a little better because he's not at work, but it's still hard.  i'm adjusting, but i still have my days.  i was once told that things worth having are not easy (something like that).  so i guess that this is just something i have to deal with.  he's worth having, so i've gotta just deal with this distance.  i might have to deal with it and get used to it, but i don't have to like it.  i miss him so much.  i got really spoiled having him around all the time.

tomorrow is groundhog's day.  i LOVE groundhog's day!  it is so neat to watch the ceremony of them taking the groundhog out of his home.  i'm going to watch the streaming video in the morning.  do i believe in his prediction?  maybe just a little...

a productive day

* had a job interview this morning.  it is only for a part-time job, but they liked me and want to hire me when a position becomes available (the one i was interviewing for was already filled).  this job is for an activity coordinator at an apt. complex.  it's a neat concept and something i think i would have fun with.

* had a company that i applied for a job with through linkedin contacted me for more information.  i gave them more information, and then they contacted me with a list of dates and times to go into their offices.  i wrote back, but didn't get a confirmation email today.  hopefully early tomorrow morning i'll hear something back.  this job is for a as a software education representative.  that too would be a cool job!

* i forgot to write about this last week in my updates, but my dad gave me a different watch to borrow.  this watch is one of his, so it is kinda big.  he said big watches are "in."  i told him i don't care what is "in" i just want to know what time it is.  at least this one works without me having to shake my arm around all the time.

* at&t uverse is now available in my neighborhood.  i called today to make the switch!

that's really about it.  i did some more productive things like some phone calls and such, but nothing that deserves its own bullet point.  i'm feeling a lot better than i was, esp. since things are moving on the job front in a positive direction.