negative

my therapist has told me that i'm a very negative person and need to work at changing my thinking.  she is right on both counts.  i try to be positive, but am often negative.  i tend to see the bad in every situation first.  it's easier for some reason. so, it is no surprise that i have some negative things to bring up about this change of status.  don't get me wrong--i am extremely happy!  it's just that i see potential things that could go wrong (i worry before i need to).

first of all... now that we are officially boyfriend/girlfriend (weird to say), when do i tell him about my diagnosis (bipolar)?  i feel it is important that he knows.  my friends know.  hell, whoever is reading this blog right now knows.  shouldn't i tell the man that i am dating?  i shouldn't hide it.  that's what i feel like i am doing by not brining it up.  but how do i bring that up?  what do i say?  when do i say it?  he said again last night that everyone is crazy and has issues (leads me to wonder what his issues are),  so since he believes that everyone is crazy in some way, maybe he'll not think my diagnosis is a big deal.  which it isn't.  i'm on meds and it's controlled.  i still suffer depression from time-to-time, but as long as i'm not manic there are no problems.

then there is the issue of sex (don't worry, this won't be graphic in any way).  i have been anti-sex since i wrote this post about the guy who wanted to make out with me the first time he met me.  i had made it clear to this person that i wanted more than sex, but that is all he was after.  so i'm against sex right now. i told M i wanted to take things slow in the "physical" department.  i didn't tell him why, but i have had too many relationships that have revolved around sex.  i am tired of that.  i don't want that.  i'm totally against doing that to myself again.  so i feel kinda bad for M because i'm feeling so negative about sex.  he has been a total gentleman and has not tried any funny business (which is so refreshing), but eventually, he's gonna want to.  i just hope i'm over this "sex is bad" thing.  it's obvious to me that M doesn't just want sex from what he he has said and his actions.  i'm just feeling negative toward the subject.

see, i found two negative things.  not too bad--i could probably find more.  i am trying so hard to live in the moment and just enjoy what i am feeling now.  someone is really into me.  i'm into him.  we have so much fun together.  he's so sweet and says the nicest things.  he makes me feel like a princess.  what more could i ask for?