first bad day in a while

i guess i've been on that "new relationship high" or something... today things seemed to come crashing down.  not just with M (will get to that in a moment), but with everything.

i've been enjoying my new job.  i only have 4 students right now (all boys).  they are full of energy, but overall good kids.  monday was rocky, but it was the first day of training school and things aren't expected to be perfect.  tuesday and wednesday were good days.  today was not.  they didn't want to sit and listen to anything.  they were all over the place.  i had to threaten that we would "practice listening" instead of going outside (hey, it worked).  anyway, it was a rough day.

brings me to point number two.  i'm exhausted.  i had to work at the store last night.  i'm pissed that i have to work two jobs.  don't worry--i'm pissed at myself, but pissed just the same.

alex doesn't like the fact that i'm dating M.  he said today when i picked him up, "M is driving me crazy!"  i asked why.  he said that i'm always talking to him/about him.  he also said that he would prefer brett (he hasn't even met M).  i told him that brett won't even talk to me (i left out that i don't want to talk to him).  hopefully he'll get over this.  i don't want to feel that i have to stop dating someone because of alex.  i would if i needed to, but i don't feel li should be put in that situation (maybe i'm selfish).

then alex started crying when i went to pick him up some spaghetti for dinner.  he misses my sister.  he is sad.  i did my best to comfort him, but i feel like i didn't do a good job.  i would just like to take all his pain away.  i wish he wasn't dealing with this.  poor guy...

then i get to dinner with M (this is the icing on the cake).  he tells me that he applied for a job that would take him to australia.  wtf?  australia?  he would be there for 8 weeks and home (texas) for 3 weeks.  he asked me my thoughts.  i told him it wasn't my place to say anything.  he said it was, and he wanted to know what i thought.  well by this time, i was ready to burst into tears.  i had all that other shit happen and now the guy that i like (the one i'm calling my boyfriend) tells me he may go work on a totally different continent.  again, wtf?  i told him that he had to do what was best for him.  that his happiness in his career is important.  he asked if i was mad.  i said no.  why would i be mad?  shocked?  ready to pull away? yes.  he said he doesn't want it to change things between us.  i said long distance relationships suck (remember, 2 of the years i was with brett he was 3 hours away and i hated it.  can you imagine a whole other continent?)  he said he was exploring his options.  i said it's good to have options.

i didn't want to say much after that--about anything.  i wanted to cry.  not just because of what M told me (he's been my BF less than a week), but because this day was full of hits.  i know shit happens.  i also know things could be worse.  today just sucked and i'm ready for a new tomorrow...