fruit salad

i've been moping around all week. i've been really grumpy. i've had no energy and no motivation.

i think a lot of it has to do with my dental surgery. i had more pain than i thought i would. i also have this numbness that I didn't plan on. it just has me down for some reason. i go for a follow up tomorrow. nothing he can do about the numbness, but hopefully all looks good in there.

i also think i'm grumpy because of the whole job thing. i really don't want to go back into the classroom. i know i said all this in a recent post, but i'm seriously burnt out and want a new job. i always thought teaching was for me, but i can't deal with the bullshit anymore. it's not like i thought it would be. hell, it's not even like it was when i first started teaching. i really hope something happens for me soon...

i think i mentioned that alex has to have eye surgery. if not, well he does. he has something called ptosis. it has to do with droopy eye lids. i had it and had surgery when i was 4. in my opinion, my left eye needs to be done again because it droops too much, but that could just be me being self-conscious. anyway, alex has been going to an eye doctor since he was 6 months old. the first doctor we saw wanted to do this weird procedure where they would put a piece of plastic in his brow and that would keep his eyes open wider. we were freaked out by this. in 2004 when alex was 2 we went and saw the doctor who did my surgery. she said she wouldn't do that other surgery she would do an eye liff (which is what i had). she said to wait for his face to develop more and do the surgery when he was around 5. we had paid for that visit out of pocket because she didn't take wayne's insurance at the time. we found a doctor who did and started seeing him. for years he has said that alex doesn't need surgery. he said it is just cosmetic. alex's vision is 20/25 which is great, but he has no field of vision above. in order for him to look up he has to move his head. a few months ago my grandparents wanted another opinion. they took alex to their eye doctor. she said that she would get the surgery done. she doesn't do that surgery, but suggested a couple of doctors that did. one of those doctors was the doctor who had done my surgery. i made an appointment to see her. she said that he needs the surgery, but she is retiring this summer. she doesn't feel right operating and then passing him on to another doctor. so she recommended a doctor. i took alex to him on friday. he wants to do a procedure called a frontalis suspension. basically, with this procedure they would sew his lid to his brow (on the inside) and when he wanted to open wider or look up, he would use his brows to raise his lids. i didn't feel that great about this procedure, so i called the doctor who did my surgery back. she said she would not do this procedure on alex because it will look unnatural, and that we won't be happy with how it looks. she said that she would just do the eye liff and over-correct it (like she did mine). the doctor i saw on friday said that he would not do that surgery on alex because he does not believe it will work. so i've got two doctors telling me two different things, and i have no idea what to do. i think i'm going to go to a 3rd doctor (it would really be the 5th), and see what happens.

on a final note, i spent the WHOLE night last night rereading my myspace blogs (close to 300 of them). i don't know what possessed me to do that, but i did. i read all about chuck, michael, brett. i read all about my depression and mental problems. i read all about my mom and how crazy she is. i read some good things too, but mostly it was a lot of drama. i did read a lot of humorous things--things that made me laugh. i guess i have a little bit of a knack for writing comedy. i should try some of that over on this blog. i would also like to blog more. i used to blog every little thing on myspace (no matter how stupid, immature, or painful). i would like to do that again. mostly because i can see that i have grown some from 2006 to now, and i would like to continue to follow that growth. also, it's a good record of my life. who cares that it's out here for the world to read? doesn't seem like anyone really reads this thing anyway...