a rough week

today i am angry.  i'm angry at a friend for not acting like a friend.  i'm angry at the administration at my job for the whole mess that is going on there.  i'm angry at myself for everything else that is wrong in my life.

i feel that it would be wrong for me to blog about what is going on at work because of confidentiality. i would never use a student's name, but i feel it would be unethical to talk about it right now.  i want to.  i want to write all my thoughts and feelings out.  i want to get the anger out.  i want to get the hurt out.  i want to talk about the injustices that my students had to face this past week.  but i'll have to wait until the wound is not so fresh.  i just feel that is the right thing to do.

i care a lot about my students.  i consider them my children.  i want to protect them and to fight for them.  it's this way for a lot of teachers.  it's easy to form an attachment to the people you spend so much time with everyday.  with my school being so small, we're like a family.  i feel this way about the teachers i work with too.  we're a good team.  we are there for each other.  we are all working together for the students.

when i go to my friends with a problem.  sometimes i just want to be listened to.  i don't need to have everything i am thinking/feeling thrown in my face.  if i want that, then i'll go to my mom with things.  i want to say that i'm a damn good teacher.  i want to say that i care about my students.  i want to say that i may choose to get this emotionally attached, but the students choose to detach themselves.  students make choices too.  students need to accept consequences for their lack of effort, just like i've had to accept consequences for mine.  if i am meant to expose my son to the "real world" and not shield him away forever, then my students too need to be shown the real world.  i hate double standards.  i always have.