baby steps

i wrote a while ago about being pissed off at brett and wanting nothing to do with him. don't worry, i'm still in that place. less anger (it's not good to carry around so much anger), but still wanting nothing to do with him. i even went so far as to remove the folder in my inbox that contained messages from him. that's right folks, every email i had from him is gone. i can't look back anymore. i also removed him from my yahoo IM. if he ever gets online, i'll never know it.

i've mentioned the box at the top of my closet that i call the "brett box". i think i'm even ready to clean that out a little. i can't throw everything away at once (esp. pictures), but i want to start to get rid of that chapter of my life. he's gone and not coming back and i'm actually happy about that. he fucked with my head and heart for too long. he did a lot of damage (it's apparent when i start having a mental freak-out with this new guy). i want to mend those broken pieces and be whole again. i'm ready to move on (and not just because i'm interested in someone else).

speaking of that someone else, things are going well. it's baby steps with him too (we've both been hurt beyond belief). i'm doing my best to remain calm and take things slow. sometimes my mind goes a little crazy, but overall, i'm doing a pretty good job.

yesterday we hung out some in the afternoon. he had to leave today (sunday) to go out of town for work for a week. when i went to say goodbye to him, i gave him a big hug and told him i'd miss him. he said he would miss me too. this was the first time for him to express an emotion. i've expressed some stuff, but i try to keep a handle on it. it's not that i don't feel like i can express my feelings around him, but i don't want to scare him off (sometimes i'm an overly emotional person with strong feelings). i'm not saying i'm at the point of the "L" word, i'm not at all. but i do like him a lot and am willing to see where this leads no matter how slow we have to go.

it's all about the baby steps...