damn fortune cookie

i had chinese food with my mom last night. i had been craving it. it was yummy. when i was finished eating my fried rice and egg roll, i opened up my cookie. it said: Your wish is about to come true.

first thought that comes to my mind (like a dumbass)? brett--ugh! when will he stop popping into my head? i know it's probably some how my fault, but i would like it to stop now please.

so i get half hopeful--my wish will come true? he will come back? i've wished that a lot over the past year.

the thing with that though is that i recently thought that i couldn't be with him because i would resent him because of what happened with the baby (see post #100 if you are lost). why would i want to be with someone who couldn't step up and do what i thought was the right thing to do? why would i want to be with someone who broke up with me because i made a mistake (huge i know, but to leave me when things got rough?)?

so maybe i don't want him. maybe i just want someone and he is familiar. or maybe i want things to be how they were before we had to deal with my huge mistake. maybe i just am tired of being alone and he is the most recent memory of what it feels like NOT to be alone. who knows...

all i know is that i got a fortune cookie and that it made me think of brett and somewhere in my heart i got (stupidly) hopeful. damn fortune cookie!